Here's where GP breaks it down for ya:
Roughneck Sarver: Ain't Goin Down Til The Sun Comes Up
What is with your harmonica playing friend sitting on the edge of the stage? I thought he was more interesting to watch than you were. Sarver, you are completely unattractive--and a roughneck. I hope you go home. Simon couldn’t understand a word you were singing … neither could I. “If we were all perfect, we wouldn’t need this show.” Sarver, you are such a jackass. You were being generous giving it a 1.4, Simon.
Allison Pinkhair: Blame it On Your Heart
I now love you. You had only sung 6 words and I typed that previous sentence. Why do they have to do stupid country week? Though Allison, you definitely didn’t find a good song, as much as I support you. At least country week is over with early in the season. BOOOOOORING. Randy thought it was dope. God I love him. Who else gets away with saying things are 'dope' on live television?
Man in the Mirror: To Make You Love Me More
…First off, Seacrest … don’t sit on the stage. Kris, you are too adorable to go home yet. I hate country ballads, but I’ll listen to you sing them that’s fo’ sho’. Even though your teeth are a little wonky. Paula…don’t put your fingers on your chin when you speak, like you’re smart. I agree with Simon that he was terrific tonight. ‘Tender moments from my dawg Kris.’ Randy, seriously...let's hang out.
Lil Rounds: Independence Day
Lil Baby, this song better have a hell of a chorus. Mmmm. Let Freedom Ring, huh? Don’t sing Carrie Underpants and think it will do YOU justice, Lil.
Adam Lambert. Ring of Fire
I LURV UR JAKIT! Go for the Cash, Mister Lambert. I can also dig your arrangement. I thought you were really great and that you have steamy bedroom eyes. Ethan says Kara reminds him of the 'bitch at the party.' I AGREE, and can’t stop laughing at that comparison. Does Paula look like she’s using a body double tonight or is it just me?
Blind Scott: Wild Angels
… What? I hate you. Pick a real song. Stop clapping just because he’s blind, audience. “We can move it [the piano] closer!” Shut up, you tard. I agree with Simon, pick better songs and get away from the piano, Blindy.
Alexis Grace: Jolene
…Get rid of the pink in your hair, it's not quirky or cute.
Hunky Deadwife
...let Jesus Take the Wheel!!!!!! AAAAyyyyeeeeeee. You got me with this one, Deadwife. PS … I said exactly what Simon did about his performance tonight. Minus making fun of his fashion, ‘cause I loved Hunky Deadwife’s outfit.
Anoop-Dawg!! - Always On My Mind Perfect song choice! This song still reminds me of the creepy reanimated corpse guy from ‘Practical Magic’ …and still creeps me out. Anoop, you sang the shit out of it, though. Zero to Hero in the words of Cowell, and I agree 1,000%.
Blondey Tattooslut. Walkin After Midnight
Are you French? Or retarded? I do not believe in you. Even though you sang one of the few country songs that I truly love You don’t have the sound you think you do, give it up.
Matt. Get your own style. I didn’t even watch your performance. The End.
